Do you have unfilled dreams?

Have you been looking for a job without success?

Are you looking for a relationship and going home to an empty home?

First, you are not alone. Millions of Americans are experiencing this same frustration. I know that probably isn't a great comfort; just know that your experience is not unique. Sometimes knowing that our situation is not unique helps us not to blame ourselves.

Second, think about your plan to change your life. The reason I say that you should look at your plan is that many times we are doing things which work against our own success. If you find yourself sitting on the couch with a remote in your hand six nights out of seven, I think you might have a clue why you can't find a mate. What is your plan? Write it down! Review it on a daily basis.

How about the job search? Do you have a concrete plan to find a job? Get a copy of the book, What Color is Your Parachute? at your local library. This book is re-edited every year so make sure you have the most recent edition. Complete the exercises in the book especially the exercise on transferable skills. Write down a list of all the friends, former co-workers, family members and acquaintances you have. Share your resume(s) with them. Notice I said 'resumes' - plural. I have about four different resumes I keep updated on a regular basis. Write resumes geared to your areas of expertise. Finding a job is going to work going everyday. Get up early. Dress like you are looking for a job right off (no lounge clothes). Your clothes are a physical description of your attitude about looking for a job.

Find a counselor or a support group. Since many people are in financial straits, they may not afford a counselor. However, there are many kinds of support groups around which can help you address your situation. It might be a job hunting club. It might be a support group at your community of faith. If you are struggling to keep your emotional balance while trying to find hope and direction, I recommend Emotions Anonymous. There is a group in many communities. If there is none, you might want to start one. (There are also online EA groups: see http://www.emotionsanonymous.org/) If you cannot find a support group of any kind, find an individual who is positive, who is already functioning at the level you would like to be at, and invite this person to join you on a weekly basis to support you.

Be aware of relying on mood altering drugs: alcohol and street drugs. These drugs are temporary stimulants and/or depressants which do nothing to add to your happiness or effectiveness.

When life doesn't work out, we may feel we are worthless and shameful. This need not be the case. There is help when life doesn't work for us.

(c) 2008 Ronald Friesen