It was 7 years ago on December 31, 1999 that my father died.

He was diagnosed with liver cancer on October 15, 1999. As liver cancer is an untreatable disease, we knew that he would not be with us long.

Fortunately I was working at a job which allowed me an extended Christmas break. I quickly made arrangements to fly out of Phoenix on December 19. I arrived at Vancouver airport where my brother-in-law met me and took me to the hospital where my dad was staying. My father recognized me and we exchanged hugs and greetings. I stayed for a brief while and went to my parents' home for a rest.

The next three days were spent reconnecting with my father. I was there when the attorney came in to have my dad sign some papers. My dad told the attorney to hurry, "This is costing me money." My dad was still thinking about not wasting money in his last days. We all laughed because this was a standard joke in the family - my dad's thriftiness. I cried as I saw my dad's strong signature turn into an 'x'. He no longer had the strength to write his name. (We later found papers my dad had signed a couple days before his hospitalization - this signature with the normal strength and clarity.)

My brother and I were there as we talked about our past relationships. We confessed our shortcomings as sons, he confessed his shortcomings as a father. Peace was made.

I flew back to Arizona to spend Christmas with my sons and wife. We were in constant contact with family in Canada. On Christmas Day, my family reported that my father was declining rapidly. I made arrangement to fly back to Vancouver.

Unfortunately, my trip created some challenges. On December 26 I went to the airport. Upon arriving at the airport I learned that America West pilots were not landing in Vancouver - too much fog. I called my family and told them I wasn't going anywhere that night. They came and picked me up. I went back to the airport the next night. Again only to be told that the flight was canceled. As I was at the America West Customer service line, they announced the flight was going. I was moved up to first class! It was an uneventful flight - the extra large seats and attention and food were nice.

I arrived at the Vancouver airport and again my brother-in-law met me. I went straight to the hospital again. On this night, I stayed at the hospital for the night. In the morning I gave my dad a shave and helped with his general care. I was thinking, "Life is turning around. Many years ago you washed me and cared for me, today I am washing you and caring for you."

On December 31 about 9:15 AM the telephone rang as my mother and I were sharing breakfast. The nurse told my mom that my dad had just passed. The family quickly collected in the hospital room and paid our last goodbyes.

Due to the Friday death, we were forced to have to deal with the holiday weekend. The funeral was held on January 6, 2000. My mother said we would have a small family gathering and committal service at the cemetery followed by a small memorial service. Well, I guess 'small' is in the mind of the beholder. My mother is one of 13 siblings; my father one of 12 living siblings. Counting all the in-laws and all their children and their children's children we ended up with about 250 at the graveside. I had to remind my mother that our father, her husband, had not lived a private life. Over 750 people attended the service and there were letters of condolences from the Prime Minister of Canada down to janitors and cleaning people who knew my father. I was given the grace to read the eulogy which we had written for our father.

Parent grief is one of those 'necessary' losses. As much as we want our parents with us for a long time and maybe, forever, we realize that they are not going to be with us forever.

Not knowing how to handle my parent loss, I began interviewing all of my friends to see how they dealt with the death of their fathers. I created my own informal support group in this way.

I believe in legacies. I think of the legacy my father left: a legacy of public service. My dad believed that we should try to leave the world a better place than we found it. He did this through his many public leadership roles in the community, church and civic life. Of course, his public roles were not without cost to us as family. I spend much of adolescence without a father present in my life. My father was about work. I am sure my work ethic flows from his example and discipline.

This is January 6, 2008 - the seventh anniversary of the celebration of my father's life. I miss my father. I work to live out the legacy he left me. I have many 'fathers' in my life today: men who still speak into my life. I hope that I am a 'father' to many as well.